Cheryl’s Journals

Im currently selling most of my computer possessions n some books…hopefully could sold them off before i’m sailing off to spore…need some cash!

you’ve got my eyes on you
but I have to let go of you
i belief that time will heal the emptiness that i’ve reserved for you in my heart

You are special to me
In the sense that you are adorable
you remind me of the young childs in elementary school
words of affections will appear in me the moment i see you
your smile is so sincere n innocent

i’ve counted the days left
each day i calculate the hours left
eager am i to go to a new place
eager am i to anticipate for the days to come
i was even more eager to see you before the day I depart

i’m glad that i’ve finally think through
i’m glad that my heart no longer craves for your attention
Nonethless I will treasure the time we had spent together although it was so short
I could finally let go of you…

times rely flies and without realizing 2more days to go i will be 26 this year instead of 25. haha… alot of ppl say the most suitable age to find a lifepartner is betwn the age of 23-30 just right after ur deg graduation. but i do not agree, altho at these ages it may seems to be ideal to find, but i still belief tht at what age isnt the factor. what is most important here is — is one ready to take the risk? is 1 ready to face the financial challenge? is one ready to step into lifetime commitment n resposiblities? the moment a person gets into a bgr, it’s no longer so much abt romance. The reality will slowly reveal that there will be more n more resposibilities to carry out. many more other factors one hav to considr before involving urself into a relationship.
Based on my faith, i was being taught that relationship is not meant for experimentation and not even encourage to get in n out of relationships as lightly as any1 could imagine. I’m grateful that God put me in a family where i could see so many bad examples of broken marriages n adulterous cases and I knew how it was like to end up in those bad n hurtful memories and under so many bondages. Im still glad that God has been protecting me from the unnecessary harms upon making wrong decisions n possible splits in any bgr. Looking upon the peers ard me, i am stunned to see how ppl treat n deal with relationships. Solely it was based on FEELINGs alone…our feelings that is the emotions could change easily and it can be very risky n unstable. Nothg could without one if our feelings failed to meet our expectations n requirements. Thgs could turn out to be worst if you’ve to commit into a relationships that will turn out to be sadistic n full of REGRETS due to prompt decision based on FEELINGS. Im not so worried abt wat age to find a lifepartner but Im more concern to find the right type of person with the condition that he shall put God 1st in His life, mentally n spiritually mature, financially stable, love me as who I am, His strength shall be my weakness n my strength shall be his weakness - a compatible partner to make a couple as whole.

Why would you treat me so sweet n nice when I was most
vulnerable?

Why would you only appear into my life when I was
about to leave?

Why have you treat me so gently n softly?

Why did you tickle my heart?

Why did you give me hope when I was about to give up?

Why would you be so concern about my spiritual home
when no one else has ever asked me regarding the issue?

Why only at this moment you enter into my life?

Why were you giving me such a privilege?

Why were you so considerate about me if you don’t
care?

Why only at this time my heart has been won by
you? 

Why would you be so
concern regarding my subtle being? 

Why would you be so thoughtful towards my
condition?

Perhaps I have over-reacted?

Perhaps I have been over-sensitive…

Perhaps I hav been thinking too much…

Why have I allow myself to be vulnerable towards
your every single word?

Why have I allow myself to act like nothing has
happened?

Why have I allow my mind to be programmed by
your smiles?

Why have I allow myself to be captured by your
personality?

Why… at this very last stage that I am gonna leave
soon…

*sniff*sniff*

IF only I could get rid of your images, I would not
been wondering all day long, every hour, and every minute n every second…

I was sooo blessed by these 2 international singers from taiwan n HK when they came here for the evangelistic concerts here at ACS kuching on 7-8march 2008. Eric moo was born in Malaysia, raised up in Spore n now persuing his carrier in Taiwan, Beijing n HK. While Samuel Tai has been in the secular music for more than 20 yrs. He also played a few important roles in gospel movie and for the past 10yrs he was well-known for the fame as ‘ching ke wan zhi’ (The Prince of LOVE songs) and touched so many hearts with his melancholy lyrics n melodies! I love his songs very much and find it deeply romantic n super sentimental~
I guess im deeply falling in love with his gentle, soft n humble personality. AS we all know as a superstar who has a high status in the chinese music industry… one might tend to be very prideful of their own achievements. Eversince he was a convert himself i could that he was totally a humble person in christ as well as apopular singer. LOVE HIM so much, may he continues to bless many music lovers& many of his fans will be influenced by his message of God’s love! GO SAMUEL! GO ERIC! let’s glorigy God’s name!

Guys who have good-look with active & charming allure will owest take the advantage of their outward appearance to attract n capture the heart of the gals… I guess this is 1 of the way they monopolize their field…especially in things that would bring benefit to themselves, for exp in their carrier prospect. Obviously in our society we will tend to encounter this type of personality in our frendships circle. I have encounter no less but recently the 1 I encounter with is really good at interpersonal skills n has got a strong persuasive tone in him. No doubt they are also with wrong n evil motive but I hope that this guy that I encounter will not be like the others who are only good at manipulating his friendship towards me.

recently my company is recruiting more n more weirdossss…. thank God im leaving soon..hahahah…..

‘she’ had
been away from home for 2weeks and inside my heart I dint’ even sympathized her
cos she had caused all the hassles n arguments with my low tau. When she was at
home, I could only hear non-stop shrieking voices from mon-sun oh should I say
from the moment I wake up ready for work. My mood would definitely be greatly
affected. All the more, frequent complaint abt those household jobs. In
actually facts most of the tasks could be solved without much trouble but the
moment she sees it, no others words could come out from her mouth except
putting the blame on me for not completing the tasks. She has disappointment me
many times and it doesn’t matter to me anymore.

When she
was at home, I don’t feel like I am being loved as a child. Whenever she was
there I felt being threaten. I felt a strong sense of condemnation n not being
appreciated in her presence. It was weird that I always have to ‘pamper’ her
instead of she pampers me.

Truthfully
speaking when she was ‘off for holiday’ for the past 2 weeks… my home was
filled with peace and I could gain bck my self-esteem n self-value. Even my
close frends could testify that plus my younger brother became very helpful in
doing housework for the family…amazing isn’t it? That is why I never pleaded
her to come back home…cos I finally had the peace of mine. Who on earth would
ask for some1 inconsiderate, annoying, complaining and troublemaker to be part
of your family!? NONE I belief!

And there
it was, when the home wasn’t filled with love n warmth… I met this frend who I
just known for 2months+. The friendliness n caring attitude that this frend has
towards me make me seems to be very special n I somehow gain my self-worth in
doing my daily tasks. In my working ethic, in my extend to care for my frends
and trying to be nice to the people ard me. I had a very fruitful chat with
this frend.

We discuss
abt personal encounter with the Lord and share thots in encouraging 1 another.
I found it very meaningful n fun! This frend has a great sense of dry humor n
very sincere towards any1.

Although
the meeting was mainly on corporate issue n I knew very clearly that the action
this frend carried out was due to appreciation towards my help. A very
appreciative person. Treated me meals n even showed me the location his family
is doin business n let me try the food for free. I am very thankful n grateful.

I was so
touched by the warmth n giving attitudes. Very generous with endless smiles. At
1^st I felt abit awkward cos I wasn’t used to an opposite gender

frend who
could treat me so nice n friendly. (I might misunderstood his friendly
intentions)Very bubbly n adorable personality. Although I know that this shiny
sanguine temperament in him is very natural and it seems to be a normal thg
that it could be extended to everyone else.

But
whatever it is… the experience is somethg that help me to realize my personal
potential n self-worth. I really thank God for knowing this adorable frend. I hope that our frendship will last forever  ^_^
May God bless him abundantly.

te extraño, eres guapo (*_*)

self-pity is the1 thing that will have owest hav to overcome
low-self-esteem is none exceptional
i tend to compare with others
i tend to find a way out to be outstanding
i desire for a sense of assurance each day
But sometimes i do get tired of myself behaving in such way

i admire bubbly, sanguine temperament ppl who are naturally born to be a cheerful person. it never came across in their mind that ‘nobody will not love them’ which is somethg totally opposite from my temperament (super MEl-cho)
they could not stand it if the person they mingle ard wont talk with them.
im owest looking for the good points in human n learn from them.
the lovely n cheerful sanguine is a born caring personality.

Acknowledging that the melcho like me needed to be set free from pessimism, moodiness i pray that God will help me to be more lovely n caring as the spirit-filled sanguines.

I had a long talk with my superior today about my
resignation from my post. I’d given him enough time to find a replacement for
me. I’ve never been appreciated by him, its okie cos I dun bother anymore n
guess what for all the while I tot he would plead for me to stay… like what
happened to the rest of my colleagues or maybe like wanna pour ‘wet blanket’ on
me…eh to my surprise he told me that he never expected this will happen so
fast. I was giggling inside my heart, and asked him back, ‘what is there for
you to be surprise?’ I’m moving somewhere else… I’m seeking an avenue whr my
skills n talents will not be wasted. Otherwise I’d go rusty.

It turned out to be so ironic, cos instead of me
giving him reasons why I wanna leave, he was the 1 pouring out all his
suffering and keep grumbling other ppl’s fault. The conversation rely make my
jaw dropped at the same time I was beaming inside (you might tot that my
respond would be nasty) but oh well, what could I do? The only thing I could ask
him bck was, then why do you still wanna stay here and finally he admitted that
he had no where else to go n could not gone bck to his own field like
programming… he forgot all those things (excuse me I couldn’t imagine that my
so called autocratic-superior is demanding my sympathy, he ‘arrogantly’
admitted that he could only stay in management or education line) frankly
speaking if a man would express his heartfelt till that point…the thing that
crossed my mind was…well…he somehow lost his reputation as a superior n as a
final point he has landed himself on earth cos all these while he was on cloud
9. what goes ard comes ard he wanna regain his own reputation by putting us so
frequently but now see what happen to him… sigh… poor guy~ truly speaking I’ve
no more grudges on him and there is needless for me to hold it too

*my last comment on him in hokkien, wu ho ho eh lang
mai chor, kou boi ca lai regret.. sigh~