Cheryl’s Journals

As my younger bro is growing in his adolescence year, he has become vry rebellious and disobedient to me and even to my parents. None of my siblings is closer to me other than my younger brother when he was a litt’ toddler. When he was still very young, we played a lot & he would help to defend me when I was being misunderstood by others, he was so dear to me and I wanna impart good & biblical values into his life according to the Lord’s teaching. But as the years gone by, when I have entered into university nobody was to take care of him and care for him. I recall bck that it was during that time he has started to become so mischievous & cunning. There was once he ran away from home cos he got influenced by some ‘ah beng kia’ who love to loaf ard using bicycle in the center of town almost everynite and no longer have the desire to study. He used to score quite well in his Chinese subjects & mathematics but now to my disappointment everytime he brings back his report card can say almost everythg was in RED INK!

Once, I reported to the police station becos he dint wanna come home and join those samsengs. My heart was in anguish & miserable seeing him turning from good to bad. That process was really a distress, I have tried every situation to advice him, rebuke him, discipline him n even beat him sometimes not out of anger but out of love but yet he dint change abit but got worst. My heart was shattered when there was 1 night I disciplining him, he disobeyed n yelled at me so I hit him, instead of being repentant & still he GOT UP & SMACKED my wrist in return. The next morning, my wrist was swollen with bruises. It was so painful.

That happened in the yr 2006. This yr my expectation in him has decrease to the ditch. Everytime I talked to him, he speaks so rudely without showing any respect. Since he is the youngest in my family, he got so pampered by my mom. Now, I don’t even have the heart and initiative to discipline him anymore, apparently I felt reluctant to care for him. It was just like being senseless toward him. Although I still love him, but my heart has turn frail. There is only 1 hope I would wish on his behalf, surrender him to the Lord. Let the Lord discipline him. I know I cannot change him, but God can.

~ by cheryl82 on February 3, 2007.