Cheryl’s Journals

On 10^th May 2008
was the day I first landed on

Singapore

and I could tsee with my own eyes that Spore is such a CLEAN & FRIENDLY
place to be in. Before I came here, I had prepared myself physically n mentally…it
was a good experience when I hunt for my job for at least 2 and half weeks. God
has been with us and I just could not tell that God did allow me to stretch in
the 1^st 2weeks. I was so confident in the beginning when I went for
my 1^st interv as an IT Trainer in a private institute. After having
a discussion with them I kinda doubted that I wanna take up this job cos it doesn’t
rely suit my preference cos of the working time n job scope that they require some1
who are willing to be very mobile n post to different local schs. In the
evening they hav training classes so after work wholeday somehow u need to
commit to nite class. So as I consider again n again the institute n learning
centres in Spore all hav to work on odds hrs like weekends n late at nite. Later
on I attempted to apply for kindergartens/childcare centres on the 2^nd
week. Most of them rejected my applications cos I wasn’t a PR/Sporean reason
being I am not qualified to teach as I dun have what their government wanted to
be certified. So mostly they want NIE/CPT/DPT certified teachers or tutor then
u can teach. I was soo down when they told me abt this facts. Like they are so
many jobs oppor in the newspapers but once u dial the no n call they will say
no, sorry I cant apply, sorry I am not qualified sorry u dun hav to waste ur
time to apply….these are the keyword u will tend to listen n many of them it’s
a good thg that they are very upfront… although I felt like my hope has been
cut off especially in education line or as a art teacher… my passion in this
area somehow needed to be put aside. I was soooo desperate to keep finding a
job that I even thot of opting to become a fashion or apparel promoter or
somethg that do not require a high qualification. At the beginning I tot, well
my Deg has become void here in the

land

of

Merlion

… howcan this
be? Why did I waste my time studying Dip n Deg n these are the things I get? For
a certain length of time, I ask God have my Deg qualification become valueless?
But if I opt for this carreer then I’ll have to give up on my public holidays n
Sunday off cos all these jobs need to work on those days…am I willing to give
in all these? Shall I compromise? My mind was sooo confused….

I spoke to myself… the
command job here like being a sales representative or product promoter could
earn at least 1.2-1.5k these jobs doesn’t even need a Dip pr Deg… what am I here
for? I have a passion in teaching young ones in the area I enjoy such as art or
anythg to do with artworks/craft or childcare or kindergarten but why non of
them wanna hire me cos I Am NOT NIE/CTP/DTP trained….? This is somethg that I could
not accept at 1^st… I felt useless cos my range of experience in
teaching field has no value for most of the private learning centre here…

I still stick to God’s
promise cos I could not compromise I said… I must continue to find a job that
could fit my working preferences that as long as its 5 or 5.5days work week n
SUN must be proclaimed as OFF day…otherwise I could not honor God n give thanks
to Him every Sun.

But I really need to give
thanks to God cos His ways are always higher than our ways n His tots are
always beyond our thoughts. I went to so many places for the 1^st 2weeks
it was like treasure hunt n everythg was so new n so unfamiliar. Altogether I had
12 interviews from different locations n area. Sometimes 1day u hav 2-3
interviews to attend. After u attend this interview in the morning then later
late afternoon u hav to rush to another place for interv again. Imagine all the
terms n conditions u have to analyze in such a shortime n ppl here are very
fast-paced then u need to give them answer as soon as possible whther u wanna
take up their offer within like 1-2days time. I was soo indecisive at 1^st
but I rely thank God that He sent angels to guide us n give godly advice to us,
thanks to meixian’s uncle (joe) my sister’s frend’s uncle actually for giving
us support n proper guideline n counseling. I also thank God for the sermons by
Ps Prince Joseph at new creation church. I am so blessed for the past 3weeks
hearing all those powerful n enlightening sermons. I have learn so many valuable
things here in Spore as I look bck to my hometown

Malaysia

, I rely find it a crucial
need to KEEP PRAYING for our country’s politics n government. As it is very
obvious the moment I stepped into JB lastweek, I could sensed the tremendous
spiritual atmosphere n it was like a line between only and u could tell the disparity
is SOO BIG…like heaven n hell if I were to make it severe comparison. Me n my
frend could not even stand for another hr to stay longer in JB… no sense of
peace n direction everythg was so chaotic n without accurate procedure. God has
a plan and a purpose for me to come to Spore n find a job that suits me… if I were
never out of Msia 2 spore I could never tell the difference and I will take the
condition of my country for granted! I pray that most of the Malaysian here
especially Christians have to be rely alert n keep our fingers crossed to see
that Malaysia will be a land full of God’s glory n be revived in all areas. Let
God’s ppl rise up n take charge and we shall see the transformation take
place,amen!

It’s going to be a great leap for me this yr cos its only 9days left to
depart to spore… although im not so sure what my future will be like but I have
the sense of peace in me that the presence of God is with us. He shall never
fail us and wont fail to meet our expectations. Human tend to disappoint one
another from time to time but God shall never put us down. Before my departure
to a new place with up coming challenges waiting for me, I am currently filled
with so many thoughts and excitements. My main anxiety now is to find a church
where God shall lead me and nourish my spirit & soul. Not just a church
with any functions and activities but a church that is full of God’s presence
and follow according to biblical teachings. I belief as I seek Ye 1^st
the Kingdom of God, all the things I need such as my stability in job, finance,
relationships HE shall provide for me. I realize that when I put my trust and
hope in God, my natural worries will gradually reduce and it is such a great
blessing to be able to put my TRUST in HIM. Once from a sermon article I read, that
having FAITH in GOD is BELIEVING in THINGS will HAPPEN although you hav NOT YET
SEEN in HAPPENING. FAITH IN GOD IS NOT SEEING, BUT BY WALKING IN IT. I used to
be a big worrier in many things and I would owest fear abt things that may not
happen, as a PURE melancholy it’s very natural to me that I will think beyond
many possible pros n cons of certain things that can happen in life. I just
could not stop, once when im idling, the idea of analyzing facts and potential
problems shall appear. Sometimes I found myself worry too much till I get so
tense up. As the matter of fact, this tension is unnecessary but the anxiety
makes it extravagant. That is why I cannot live my life without meditating the
word of God daily; let it be just a very simple verse or an Old Testament story
or parables from New Testament. I don’t have a good memory to memorize the
whole bible like some scholars or theologians but what really matters to me is
whether I make use of the WOG in my daily living…that shall be the most crucial
part.

Today’s bible verse reminder:

‘Do not let your heart envy sinners, but owest be zealous for the LORD. There
is surely a future hope for you, and your hope will not be cut off. Listen my
son, & be wise & keep your heart on the right path.’   [PROV 23:
17-19]

Every time I see you, I see a bright brimming

Every time I see you, I see hope

Every time I see you, I see tenderness

Every time I see you,

I sense the upbeat of my heart

Every time I see you,

I am dissolved by your gentleness

You are so adorable, cuddly & every of your action tickles my inside

I will treasure the time we spent although it was very short

You are so irresistible

But I just acted cool in front of you

I acted as a sister to you

Whenever I see you, I just could not help but wanna help you

I felt the inner burden to assist you in anyways I could

Whenever I see you, I just wanna give my attention to you

I just wanna share my ups n downs with u

You are who you are

I am blissful that you’d let me know your weakness & bad habits

I am even more delightful when you’d determine to step out of your wild
lifestyle

I am so touched when you actually told me that you did it! Congrates n
bravo to you!

Hope to see you again before my final departure to a new place…

I shan’t forget you in my remembrance cos you are special to me…

**Le GrÁ,**

 Cheryl

u know who i am & i knw who u are
u jus dun know that i think of u as more than frend
i wan to be more than just another ‘gal’ to u

daily i admire u from afar, seeing ur face makes my heart skip abit
from the time i as touched by u, i cant stop tinking of u
ur charming smile lights my heart on fire & ur voice melts my inside
this poem is jus another way of telling u what i cant say to ur face
i will even risk having my admiration rejected, if there is the slightest chance u feel like i do
until the day when i am ready to reveal my identity, i’ll jus be another of ur secret admirers

quote from devianArt - michelle (some phrase I edited them)

It’s interesting to know the saying of when u are secretly falling for
someone you’d disregard of wat he/she has done in the past… in the beginning one
might not be able to take it with a receptive heart but later on you’ll slowly grasp…
‘To love is to never seek for self-benefits’ finally this has been revealed to
me…

I dun mind when he treats everyone the same care n love

I dun mind when he is too busy till he forgets the dates that’s
important to me

I dun mind if he has many opposite gender frends surrounding him

I dun mind if he never send regards to me when we are far

I dun mind when he dint reply my msg if he is busy

I dun mind if my images are not owest playing in his mind

I dun mind if he could not meet up to my high standard as a
perfectionist

I dun mind if he never thinks from my view

I dun mind if he is lacking of self-motivation or
discipline 

I dun mind helping him to search for corporate clients even without
advantages

I dun mind if he isn’t into relationship now

I dun mind if he just wanna chat with me to get out of boredom

I dun mind if he never brings back any gift after a long vacation

I dun mind if he just treat me as a normal frend

I dun mind if he dint know how I’ve felt for him now (will make an effort
to let him know)

AS LONG AS he still keeps in touch with me

I could hear his voice, see his smiles, and receive his short messages

I’d be glad to treasure him in my heart till times carry

on…

* I just feel
like dedicating another Chinese song to this person by Yong Bang, ‘mei ce dou
siang hu han ni de ming zhi, kau shu ni wo xing chung de hua…’ *

When you love a person, u will owest think for the person’s sake

When you love a person, u will want every good thing to befall on the
person

When you love a person, u will care for him/her

When you love a person, u will disregard of how much you could give just
to make him/her happy

When you love a person, every words and comments from the person counts

When u love a person, u will spend all day and all nite thinking about
his/her being

When u love a person, u will find every effort to get close to him/her

When u love a person, u pray hard for him/her to change to be a better
person

When u love a person, u will try your best to understand him/her

You will keep your focus for his/her
benefits 

You would care for his safety when the
person is not by

ur

side

You would wanna read his/her mind

You would allow urself to be indulge in his/her interests

You’d do the food that he/she likes to eat

You would make sure that he/she is in good condition

You’d feel deeply sorry for the person when he/she could not do well in
any tasks

You’d find every occasion to encourage him/her

You’d find reasons just to talk to him/her

You’d find reasons to meet up as frequently as possible

You’d make sure that he/she cares for one’s health issue

You are most joyful when you see the person is happy

You’d cry upon the person’s shoulder when he/she is deeply hurt

You’d make every effort to care for him/her when falls sick

And you’d keep his/her heart although one might be far away

You’d be willing to wait in patience for his/her arrival

To love a person is never seeking for self-benefits

You’d be willing to accept his/her weakness

To love a person is to love without any condition

To truly love is to cover multitudes of inadequacy in that person

Look at me now
I thought I was near the end
Then you came along
When I needed a friend
And you made me love again

*this adult contemporary music by Jimbrickman - i find the lyrics really speaks for me recently. I would like to dedicate this to someone that i will miss dearly…although i hav learn to let go my longings for you, but im truly deeply proud that u had actually kick off ur bad habits & become so commited in ur new faith…i could see the potential in you that u will be successful n i will keep praying for u although i mayb far…right now i dare not seek for any expectation from ur side, most vital u shall remember me in ur heart…  ^_^

As the days
are passing by, im getting eager n excited to enter into a new environment n
survival place. Yesterday, was another nourishing Sunservice. A Singaporean-based
counselor (originally from KL) was here to preach n share abt motivation talk
on how ‘to live on is good’ topic among the congregation. From her live there
are so many main points we could learn from. 3 years back I actually saw her
show on Astro channel, she was interviewed that time & I was kinda puzzled
to see her face that time cos it was totally ‘out of proportion’ in other words
her face formation has been disgusted by a man who actually get obsessed to her
but ended up became her murderer. It the midst of her sufferings as she had to
went through such a horrifying surgery for like 24 times just to modify her
face, but to no avail the doctor could never make it to her original features. She
attempt to commit suicide a few times as she could not find any meaning to live
on this world. Hopelessness & depression were the only things appear in her
mind. Right in the midst of giving up live, there she was approached by a
Christian nurse who actually took care of her & courageously shares the goodnews
to her and prayed for her surgery that she had to go through. It was then the
climax of her turning point to hold on to this new faith in her and gradually
God lead her & healed her internally & externally.

There are
the 5 major things I have learn from her talks (actually there are more than
tat but just pick the important ones):

1stly – LEARNING
TO FORGIVE – is setting oneself free from the bondages of hatred

2ndly – LEARN TO TREASURE LIFE 4 it is PRECIOUS (complain less n
appreciate the pp lard us)

3rdly – LEARN TO BE CONTENTED & SATISFIED

4thly – LEARN TO SHARE & COMMUNICATE

5thly – BEAUTY SHINES FROM WITHIN to the OUTSIDE not
the other way round 

Eachtime when I fall into self-pity, I would look at her pictures and
remind myself if she could overcame all those horrifying experiences, what else
could be worst that we could not go through. If accordance to norm, she could
had died if it was without the help from her faith.

Her motto: * A broken appearance BUT with a heart like
an ANGEL*

I was so
happy to receive double goodnews today somethg that money could not buy… the
joy that u feel is just like the joy of a mother giving birth to a healthy
young baby! Of course im not saying im pregnant though hehehe…. For the past
few days I went through an irrational depression which was caused by my
surroundings. But later on, it recovered bck to normal today plus I received
news that I’ve never expected to hear in a short time.

Before I proceed
I shall give credits to God for answering my prayer n my frend’s prayer on life
improvement n it was a great achievement! I guess it was just a few weeks ago I
prayed for my frend to get rid of a bad habit that he had been fighting with
ever since he receive his new faith. He knew that this bad habit wasn’t good n
had been attempting to kick it away at the same time. Personally im very much
encourage by his determination n later on I prayed to God to help him get rid
of the bad addiction. I even told God please if that is your will let him tell
me the goodnews, let him get rid of the addiction as soon as possbile. Maybe not
now, maybe it shall take time but just believ that God will help him to stop
it. What a miracle it turn to be… ths aftern when I met him, he finally told
me, ‘I have goodnews to tell you’ then I asked him wat was it, ‘I finally quit
smoking!’ WOW~rely praised God for that! The joy that I felt was indescribable.
I told him it was a real testimony..goodnews! im truly happy for him ^_^ but I never
tell him that actually I did prayed for him. The testimony was exactly the
thing I desired to hear…so precise! Inside my heart…it was overflow with JOY…haha
I just dint know how to explain… sooo happy & motivated!

The 2^nd
news was my student who is now in spore n searching for job I advised him to
pray specifically the job n expected salary that he wanted n bring them to God.
Somehow after a few hrs later, I received his sms all the way from spore abt
his goodnews he finally GOT THE JOB offer he wanted! WOW~praise God again! Im soo
joyful n one shall sense the inner delight and proud for them! Most importantly
I rely believ God will help those WHO are WILLING to help themselves in the 1^st
place! The contented joy in me is truly a blessing from God… you cant stop
praising God for answering their prayers just IN TIME! YES JUST IN TIME! GOD’s
TIMING IS owest GOOD, RIGHT & PREFECT! Hallelujah!